I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
