North Korea, Best Korea!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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