apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
