we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
