Too much gin, very little bucket
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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