i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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