I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
