Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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