I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
