I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
