i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
