this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
