i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
