get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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