if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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