Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
