from now on my penis is your penis
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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