Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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