how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just had sex on a roof
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
