The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
