i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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