So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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