He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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