WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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