you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
