I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
