I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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