last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
