he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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