Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
