My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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