I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
