Don't make out with my wife yet
that's an acceptable place to lick
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
