Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
