ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
