alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
