Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
