Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
