My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The feeling are messing with the penis
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
