just come out here and I will go home with you...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
