dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
