Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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