Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
