And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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