I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
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You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
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You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize