Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
