What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
