I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize