Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize