They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I can't turn off my feet"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
