are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
