You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
