well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
