found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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