party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's never too late to be topless.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How does one acquire holy water?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
