So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
