there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
