I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
