I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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