Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
