Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
