maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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