Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
