I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
farters have to be the big spoon...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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