I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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