I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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