I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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