you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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