I just pynch a tree in the face
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
