We need to rekindle our bromance
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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