So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
