So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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