There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
