you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
