her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
