OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
